My b day for a cause.. and for a promise...

Just this October 20, 2012 i already turned 24 years old... an age that's not that bad... and not that too late to enjoy life's blessing for a late bloomer like.

Everything that happened this day was all planned out... like the outreach activity( feeding) for little orphaned kids of a certain child- caring institution and a b day bash for some of my close and good friends here in the city.

For me to celebrate life is more fulfilling if it's to be shared with people who need to feel of being loved, cared for and be entertained just to give joy in their hearts and smiles in their  faces.

I chose to give this special time with the little abandoned kids because i feel sorry for them... i feel sad knowing that their hearts always left a big hole from their harsh and undesirable experiences in the past that greatly affect their present and future lives.

I feel much for them coz i myself experienced too not to be with my parents at the early years of my life... when their love, care and support is supposedly very crucial in my development as a whole being...

though reality hurts still i didn't regret much of this failure... things happen for a reason... for the best reason it may serve.. and that reason for quite a long time I've been blinded of... now i understand... why it should have to be... and I thank God for enlightening me after all those years...

Now, this sense of understanding pave the way for me to be self giving in service and in whatever i have as a blessing... coz once in my life i don't have much... i cry, weep and complain but He rescues me and let me understand.

I thank all my friends who share their time with me and the kids... it was though short but it brings and marks a lot of good memories that once we make children smile :D

tangled up..!

I'm so ambivalent!!!!!

I feel horridly sad, angry, confused, depressed, tormented, disappointed,   in denial and so much down trodden .

All the negative things that happened lately made me feel weak and hopeless.

The strength i only have that keeps me alive, positive and hopeful in everything is getting weaker and weaker and it's killing me in pain to see it that way.

I used to be confident that we could get along with life for longer years in time... like being hopeful that in the future we will still share the happiness we used to  have in the past... but suddenly all along... life is not that easy to control even with the most powerful and strong mind... if It's already the Lord's will... no one could change or even defy it.

The only thing i'm holding onto right now is the constant prayers, intercessions  requests and bargaining from above that whatever may happen i will never loose the grip of hope and optimism.. though it's hard to... 

As the saying goes' Change is the only constant thing in this world, it's the only way to be in a different phase when our faith is challenged and our strength intensifies... bringing us to be more ready with the greater obstacles ahead.

Experience is a great teacher... and it's the worst pain when it's an experience of loosing some one so important... but still we ought to experience just to be a better person... to learn more.


Getting ready with foreseeable crisis and negative events in life is the hardest thing  i will ever have to learn in my whole life so far... I always need His Divine guidance and enlightenment.

I'm getting there... though it's a stabbing knife to my chest.

what's beyond the line out there?

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge…dreams are more powerful than facts…love is stronger than death…

I'm always hoping and praying for God's choice of man for me. I believe He knows who is the best for me, that will give the greatest love. I will never be running fast to find and search for this man because God will be generous and just enough to send him to me at the right time... Love is not that easy to find... it's like crossing seven seas and climbing mountain peaks... to finally view the beautiful skies  and see the vast land down under... when we ask for it from God and patiently waits for it to arrive.. the long waits becomes worth it!
He has not yet arrived... 

''remembering all those good times with great people around''

sometimes, we thought when a moment happened, then it's already gone.
well, at times the fact hurt us a bit knowing that those happy moments can no longer be rewinded... well, thank you for cameras, videos and phones,,, they capture such great moments, saving the memories behind and watching them again revives the great feelings when those happy moments first happened.
Just like these....

friends... foods... and fun...!

Sometimes after hurdling a long tiring day from work all you wanna do is to unwind and refresh your mind. Good buddies share the same likes with you and great delicious foods become your common denominator. 

''My Very Second time... of getting SEXY... lol!''

Just this 2012 summer outing... I never thought i'd be doing one of my most feared thing in this world.. getting sexy with showy flesh from wearing a swim suit... yeah just that yet means too much big deal for me. (:Actually not really bearing my skin since i had my cover ups to hide just some of my shame... after all it's my second time to wear this very unusual thing for me. To recall the very first time was when i was overly young at the age of 7 yrs. old...we'll good thing i still remembered that time..  at least it's quite memorable for me.


Then after this long 16 years.... i wore it again... thank God for the confidence and the self esteem.

For me, this year's summer fun was one of the happiest event that happen in my 2012 life time. How i wish something the like would have arrived my way.

I can be more beautiful inside and out!

Friends are the best buddies in sharing laughter of joy!

Being pretty and sexy matter importantly... to handsome guys... but  not an exemption to a good guy

smiles can make the day fun and exciting!

soaking wet and cold  on a  pool is refreshingly great!

swimming makes me feel free!

pose here and there... say cheese!!! and the moment prints forever!

sometimes it's just but fun to be wild under the sun!

It's so nice to be with this friends!

''when the time of hard struggle has come....''

Life is not always fair... and i have to be  strong and positive in order to continue living.
It takes a lot of courage and a bunch of tears for me to tell the things I've been into. Crying so hard was quite long before the past that doing it now is a bit awkward and new. But i just loved the feeling of relief and it's making me quite okay.


Acceptance of the kind of life you found you have is a great way in order to abolish despair and resentments. Though it takes a million of understanding and broad mind to think of it that way, but its a gift only a few could possess. 


I was often thankful feeling such alike... knowing that i have a different, challenging and sacrificing life, was way back as hard as stone to realize. Too many questions, doubts and complains are often stoned to God from prayers and heart to heart conversation with Him, but later, my outlook has changed... totally shifted into something so wide and broad that even though it hurts to feel but i always tried to think that things are just going to be okay and will never be permanent. I believe sacrificing today will not always be forever....there's a great tomorrow leaping ahead for those with deep faith.


Before getting into this nice realizations in life, i'm often interspersed with resentments and disappointments along the way that somehow attest how far i'll still be clinging on to the belief and faith of better tomorrow.


Yet,  having such a huge patience, hope and faith , everything will fall into it's perfect place in the near future and this has become  my shield from not giving up so easily. It pays a big fight for me to get to the place I've always wanted to be. Challenges are part of the journey to get to the top and feel the real happiness.

when boredom strikes me...

i dunno what to do...

i dunno what to say...

i just see myself beautiful..

so i made this for me....

The Single Woman’s Sassy Survival Guide: Letting Go & Moving On

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”~Unknown

Remember: Happiness starts with YOU. Not with your relationship, or your friends, or your job, or anything other than YOU. Not with what’s going on OUTSIDE…but with who you are INSIDE. You are NOT broken simply because your heart is…and your worth did NOT walk away simply because they did. Stop giving away your power and realize that YOU alone choose your energy and your attitude and your mindset every day. It's up to you. You can keep dwelling…or you can start prevailing. The time is NOW to let go and move on. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Get out there and make it the first day of the BEST of your life.

Messages bringing out my best!

Whenever  i feel lonely, down trodden, confused, hesitant, pessimistic and hopeless, there messages and thoughts have been a big part of my positive sustenance and  keeping a grip.