I'm so ambivalent!!!!!
I feel horridly sad, angry, confused, depressed, tormented, disappointed, in denial and so much down trodden .
All the negative things that happened lately made me feel weak and hopeless.
The strength i only have that keeps me alive, positive and hopeful in everything is getting weaker and weaker and it's killing me in pain to see it that way.
I used to be confident that we could get along with life for longer years in time... like being hopeful that in the future we will still share the happiness we used to have in the past... but suddenly all along... life is not that easy to control even with the most powerful and strong mind... if It's already the Lord's will... no one could change or even defy it.
The only thing i'm holding onto right now is the constant prayers, intercessions requests and bargaining from above that whatever may happen i will never loose the grip of hope and optimism.. though it's hard to...
As the saying goes' Change is the only constant thing in this world, it's the only way to be in a different phase when our faith is challenged and our strength intensifies... bringing us to be more ready with the greater obstacles ahead.
Experience is a great teacher... and it's the worst pain when it's an experience of loosing some one so important... but still we ought to experience just to be a better person... to learn more.
Getting ready with foreseeable crisis and negative events in life is the hardest thing i will ever have to learn in my whole life so far... I always need His Divine guidance and enlightenment.
I'm getting there... though it's a stabbing knife to my chest.
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