we we're born this way according to His plans..reasons and perfect timing are for everything

Through the early chapters of my life, when emotions are just rushing to its peak, i came to the point of questioning His power, will and plan for me. It wasn't an ordinary action because its not just merely spoken by my mouth as processed by my brain and gestured by my body but it was something coming from the deepest part of my broken and painful heart. The silent, hard and aching cry uttering, '' why Lord, why You made me growing without a mother, a father and a real family to give me the love  i ever wanted to feel?''


I grew up with only my grandma supporting me all the way in all the concerns in schools and in personal matters of everyday living. Though how much i  had been already gratified with her presence and providence still when dissapoinments, insecurities and stressors sharply hit my mind and heart then there went the asking moments with sense of resentments and blaming, feeling that He had been so relentless to me for not giving me a complete family.


I used to be feeling envious and pitying myself  when i had gone to church all by myself.. always... always a scenario that often reminded me of how broken i am..too bad! Issues, unresolved and conflicting bothered me somehow when triggering factors are around. It seems like.. ''gosh.. i really need to achieve all these tasks no matter how late.. it's better be than never at all''..which is a consolidatory  factor then just to end what I've been often processing inside. 


As i got into the adult life, there were more and more struggles that i thought i must surpass just to be successful in my goals. It's like the bad things if left unfaced or run unto.. would leave me half-baked and so not a fully grown and developed individual. Which is indeed right. So, confrontation, strength  and courage are the keys i was hoping to open the way into greater heights of maturity and progress. 


But somehow, no matter how we hope for things to happen soon as we wanted it but it isn't always getting our way. We have different perfect time, perfect moment when things are going its ways to reality no matter  there's less struggling for it to happening. Simply because it just meant to come. As i do believe in it,  while having my way leading to somewhere i wanted to reach, i realized the pain in struggling, the difficulty and hard moments  that test my endurance are signs that it's not yet the perfect moment for me. So i learn how to wait patiently for whatever the chances would bring me toward the points of life i would love of getting through about. 


Thus, things no matter how black and white would appear to us, it isn't a fair  to hover, complain and question a lot.. it's just getting through a widened and broadened perspective and acceptance that achieving something is not always at the time we just wanted it,, great things pay for a long wait and  entails patience and endurance. And that everything happens for a reason.. it's just a matter of acceptance of what's not ought to be changed and defy what's better for change because in this world we live in, we are only creatures master pieced by Someone who have better plans for us. It's about sensing where He has leading us- exemplary qualities that are not as easy as 1,2,3... less has it!