i'm
   
  super
        duper
               happy
                      and 
                           thankful

                                     <3 <3 <3

Just as when answered prayer came!

I never ever thought this week will be one of my most fulfilling and happiest weeks so far in 2011. 
As the famous saying goes... ''best thing comes when it is least expected'' and so there goes when i received the best news, heaven to my ears in the midst of a feverish, dizzy, badly flat, looming on bed. And wallah! it was such a great relief. 


After 3 try in pursuing my goal to get employed in a certain institution, finally now, i got it and soon i'll be working in there together with my good fellas. Though there's this great feeling of uncertainties and apprehensions about how will i be in the orientation , lectures, discussions, and exposure in the clinical settings still I'm trying to let myself believe in my abilities, in my uniqueness from somebody else in dealing with such circumstances. That in every way, we are all different.. and that one's knowledge, skills and attitudes are not measured with other's yardstick... It's all about doing it in one's way, with great passion, willingness and enthusiasm that one could tell whether he is doing great and exemplary works among others.


So, it's like for now, I should be getting so receptive and open for stuffs to get into my senses, learning things i haven't experienced previously and embracing the modern, ideal and realistic ways of my profession. At the same time building great, funny, wonderful, and warm friendship with my colleagues. It is in good and harmonious relationship where each one could be in his best mood in dealing with our clients, workmates and our own selves. 


Now that i'm starting to live up my profession in a more nursing way, i have to develop and improve my sense of caring, comforting, responsibility, credibility and discipline as a nurse. I should be combating against my problems with time and execution, demolish procrastination and half-baked performances. I should be giving the best that i could without expecting of something as a reward.


For me, this is not the peak of my ambition though this has opened another door for me to seek for greater happiness and fulfillment. I'm just starting and i certainly see from here .. i'm gonna make a long way out of it. With God's guidance and blessings!

''Life is not what you think as easy as playing your fav game'' but you must win it no matter what!

before i get to take what i want, i first do sacrifices

usually a lot of it, in everything i wish to have

i often walk first on the rough roads just to go along my desired destination

it's like nothing is chicken for me in this world

i was born to experience the great bitterness of life

i didn't even had a chance to be  with the sweetest family most people would admire 

or do fancy leisure activities with them just to kill the time and enjoy

i used to feel guilty for pampering myself that other people would have needed instead greater than i do

but the only thing He had given me without much effort of availing to is having an understanding mind and a patient heart

so that i get to absorbed every little pain i went through as useful as life

knowing that without them popping out along the way, i wouldn't have appreciated and lived life more meaningfully.

So, it's like sacrificing is usual for me, like cliche for a woman whom God knew and believed to be strong enough to hurdle her struggles in life though at some points almost loosing balance and grip.

And i get to think of enjoying it while reaping the little success from getting through every sacrificial acts in life.

I just thank God.. Mama Mary, all My Angels and Saints in heaven for giving me all the strength, power, patience, endurance, self- trust,  good will and smart understanding of all His plans for me though some are still blurry but with prayers... nothing is impossible... it would be laid as clear as the waters of a lake. 

To God be the Glory!

all is well!

we we're born this way according to His plans..reasons and perfect timing are for everything

Through the early chapters of my life, when emotions are just rushing to its peak, i came to the point of questioning His power, will and plan for me. It wasn't an ordinary action because its not just merely spoken by my mouth as processed by my brain and gestured by my body but it was something coming from the deepest part of my broken and painful heart. The silent, hard and aching cry uttering, '' why Lord, why You made me growing without a mother, a father and a real family to give me the love  i ever wanted to feel?''


I grew up with only my grandma supporting me all the way in all the concerns in schools and in personal matters of everyday living. Though how much i  had been already gratified with her presence and providence still when dissapoinments, insecurities and stressors sharply hit my mind and heart then there went the asking moments with sense of resentments and blaming, feeling that He had been so relentless to me for not giving me a complete family.


I used to be feeling envious and pitying myself  when i had gone to church all by myself.. always... always a scenario that often reminded me of how broken i am..too bad! Issues, unresolved and conflicting bothered me somehow when triggering factors are around. It seems like.. ''gosh.. i really need to achieve all these tasks no matter how late.. it's better be than never at all''..which is a consolidatory  factor then just to end what I've been often processing inside. 


As i got into the adult life, there were more and more struggles that i thought i must surpass just to be successful in my goals. It's like the bad things if left unfaced or run unto.. would leave me half-baked and so not a fully grown and developed individual. Which is indeed right. So, confrontation, strength  and courage are the keys i was hoping to open the way into greater heights of maturity and progress. 


But somehow, no matter how we hope for things to happen soon as we wanted it but it isn't always getting our way. We have different perfect time, perfect moment when things are going its ways to reality no matter  there's less struggling for it to happening. Simply because it just meant to come. As i do believe in it,  while having my way leading to somewhere i wanted to reach, i realized the pain in struggling, the difficulty and hard moments  that test my endurance are signs that it's not yet the perfect moment for me. So i learn how to wait patiently for whatever the chances would bring me toward the points of life i would love of getting through about. 


Thus, things no matter how black and white would appear to us, it isn't a fair  to hover, complain and question a lot.. it's just getting through a widened and broadened perspective and acceptance that achieving something is not always at the time we just wanted it,, great things pay for a long wait and  entails patience and endurance. And that everything happens for a reason.. it's just a matter of acceptance of what's not ought to be changed and defy what's better for change because in this world we live in, we are only creatures master pieced by Someone who have better plans for us. It's about sensing where He has leading us- exemplary qualities that are not as easy as 1,2,3... less has it!

what are those? life and......

Life has more than what we know it can offer

both positive and negative energies 

having control over our ways,

 movement, feelings, emotions, 

thoughts, personalities, behaviors and our spirits

......

the happiness

the sadness

the triumphs

the pains

the successes

the failures

the problems

the ways out

the white

the black

the power

the glory

the fame

the wealth

the uncertainties

the unforeseeable

the risks

the assurance

the strengths

the weaknesses

.....

only if we know how to balance these energies..

it will never put greater harm in our living

rather we learn from them and we can develop much 

energy for the heart and soul.