I'm afraid of death..well its a reality that almost all the people would have fear of facing to.
In my case i would perhaps be more afraid of loosing someone too dear to me than I myself facing it. It's a doomsday for me to see that person loosing it's last breath.
Being a nurse, who have been used in seeing, touching and talking to corpse somehow give me a bit of courage to manage witnessing death but its a different story if your directly involve with that someone. too painful and a great feeling of loss would dominate every nerve of your body... That's why i wish i could be numb when things about death and loss would come suddenly, unexpectedly or even at times you expect it to come.
Just lately, my best friend had lost her beloved mom. I thought it was very, very tragic and unacceptable moment for them but it wasn't that bad. Her late mom had been fighting against a incurable disease to the point of no way out, so, gradually they had been used with the reality that any moment, any minute, hour or day, she would passed away and so it just happened. I realized how strong my best friend was to have passed the stage of acceptance as part of the grieving process anyone would be experiencing times of loss. A query that wold be answered at the very moment my greatest fear will sooner or later arrive. For, me a cloud of uncertainty have enveloped my perspective about life's death and loss. And Fear dominates my heart because i know that someday, sooner or later, in no definite time,,, the ever dearest person of my life would leave me. Its so sad to think of about it but its the only way i think i could bring myself being used to that odd reality. And i had thought at the back of my mind, how bout me? how will i manage to loose someone i know no even indefinite time my beloved would have gone away.
I thought maybe i would loose all my spirit when death of someone dear would come right in front me simply because that person had been giving me all the reasons to live, the inspiration and the love to grow into someone full of life even at the midst of the hurdling moments.
Sometimes when i was younger i wish i could never get to love and be intimately close with someone whose too old and too sickly so that i would not be experiencing a great loss when they have to leave.. but suddenly i realized, life is not always fair at all,, relative and distinct that even the young and the unborn could have left their love ones at times its least expected because its already their time, their fate and destiny to be one with the creator though we strongly protest our contradictions to natural things from happening... its still done co'z it's His will.
Our part here is only to accept what's cannot be change. Death is inevitable, escapeless and painful.
Strength, courage and acceptance would be the best counterpart against the uncertainties of death and dying.
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