I miss my home!!!

I miss my everything about my native life:


I miss
washing my clothes at the back of our house
taking  a bath outside under the rain
eating fish and seafood almost everyday
fetching pails of water for our CR
cooking a lot of menu during fiesta
chatting with neighbors along the lawn of the house
selling sweet potatoes and peanuts to our buyers
watering our plants every morning and afternoon
making credits from stores when we're broke
strolling along the sea wall watching divers and fishermen
buying fashion stuffs at or very own Bol anon stores
riding on POTPOT, TRISIKAD, TRICYCLE
joining procession after pm mass
visiting my late beloved at the cemetery, bringing flowers and lighting candles
paying visit to my alma mater.. the central school and the regional high school




How i wish i could be at home now... ):

''5mos and i hope to cease counting... but His will shall be''

It's been a trashy 5mos since I've been stocked in the house after i quit  immediately from work when my grandma needed someone to look over her health while the rest of the people in the house is away for work. Well, i felt like it's really my responsibility to forsake work just for her needs.. it's a priority for me above most things in life.


But early way back the time i started to spend my unemployed life.. i never thought of getting this far living jobless since i had been waiting for a hiring in one of my most liked hospitals in the city. I just didn't imagined in the first place that it would freeze and would have left me like waiting for a great uncertainty.


In general, staying more frequently in the house was not a total boredom and jerking stuff for me. Infact i enjoyed it especially the first early days ago since I've really missed hanging  out and spending time with my grandma. I used to be very, overly and stress fully busy with my previous work as an institutional nurse that i tend to despise the time for my grandma and often spent overtime in the work. Then i found that time .. to be the best time in catching up for what i had missed before. So, i made everyday in the house worth remembering, enjoying and useful, helpful and significant.


The best thing i even realized being unemployed and just staying in the house was my opportunity to gain the pounds i had lost when i was still in work. Successfully i made it to a roughly enough gain of 15lbs. Thank God. It's like going back to a healthy individual i never been in my working time. But now and hopefully when i get to be in my future job.. I'll start well and maintain the wellness in me.


Of course with the length of time.. it's not avoidable to feel the urge to go out and make what you want in your life without thinking of things that might have held you back. But because of the great  love, gratitude, respect and inspiration i have for my grandma who had been standing as my mother ever since, i learned to hold back everything i desire for myself including the job,  love life and more adventures i hope to meet as of the moment... just for the sake of giving much time to her. She's too old to be forsaken and ignored.  while I'm still young to be fast and hurrying in pushing forward for the things I'd like to have.


Compromising my time for her didn't made me sobbing, despairing, and mad about life. I find enjoyment in everything i do.. even from the most difficult and hard things i have to go through with her, i view it differently with vigor and  hope that God is always there to give me strength.


In spite of the many cracking up, stupefying, odd, dumped stuffs I'm going through along the way... It's God's name i always call. Truly,,, i asked him to strengthen my heart and give me another tone of patience and endurance. It's all what it takes to surpass all the painful and sacrificing things in life as we all know that we can't just pass by them otherwise we will not grow in life.


DIFFICULTY+ PRAYERS+ ACCEPTANCE+ CONFRONTATION+ PATIENCE+ ENDURANCE= GROWN UP SUCCESSFUL INDIVIDUAL=  Me in the near future! To God be the Glory!

when i thought it's over .. he's now happy and i'm regreting for what i hadn't done

It's been 7 years time when i had this much kept secret between me and my best friend. Well, as usual crushes, infatuations, admiration turning into puppy love and later to something i didn't expect it would be cropping up now.

I  seldom fall for my classmates and friends at school and it was weird -funny one time when i was dreaming of someone who happened to be my hero, lover, dear, and sweet splendor in my deep sleep. Not realizing that dream would change everything i feel about for that someone the next day after dreaming that night. So, it really happened and i turned out to be deeply dumb liking Mr. guy until it reached into college without him knowing it. Simply because i didn't bother to show even a single sign that i admired him so much. It was only my best friend knew of it. After so many years not seeing each other, we met one time for a friend gathering and i felt like he's not so comfy in approaching me, talking to me or stuffs like communicating much as i do too.. but i pretended to be natural and as if nothings deeply felt for him though there was.. just as to hide it. At that meeting during taking shots for pictures, he did something that made my nerve cracking up for a while and i saw dragonflies overhead.. but before i appeared so affected and carried away,i ignored the funny- stupid but sweet moment he made.. and i gave pretentious smile to hide the great happiness i felt that time. After sometime i wonder how the heck he would think of doing it to me when in fact he's awkwardly behaving with me... uhg,,,
Now, he's happy with her new girl and much as i would want to feel as well for him but regrets for being so secretive and introvert is dominant and softly pushing me to hell.
This is clearly a lesson for me.
That...
Not all the time we get what we want, and feel what we wanted to  but God has given as faculties and senses to express and defy what we need and love in life... it's a loss to ignore there purpose and let go of someone you just wanted your feelings to be expressed unto. It's too late when they find the things in the first place they're expecting from you but they find it from someone new.

randomeness of lifes feelings

 

Everyday of r lives gives us the chance to see a newer outl0ok in living, we may be disapp0inted ystrday bt h0peful to acc0mplish s0methng f0r t0m0r0w.. Everyday brings us to various experiences that m0ld us to s0meone beter..thus everyday should be warmly embraced f0r it always gives us sec0nd chances to lavish life's beauty.

 

at our least expected time, we c0me to cr0ss with s0me0ne we have always waited f0r l0ng... We either learn that weirdness f0r that s0meb0dy fr0m the m0ment of first l0ok or litle c0nversati0n or just after a couple of getting to kn0w thing.. Yet whichever h0lds m0re true, the magical feeling has always been there fr0m the very first sec0nd both eyes met.. ♥

With all the odds al0ng my way... I will have to endure you... N0thing's g0nna bl0ck me t0wards the g0al...it d0esn't matter if its taking time...gradually, eventually...Î wil make it! (= (hi-spirited)

N0 one can d0 like superman or superw0man... We just w0rk simply at our best with limits... Remember n0 ordinary human can jump off between buildings without breaking b0nes. Life is precious as the people wh0m we're w0rking f0r.. We'll have to keep it cause it's fragile.

BAND LAZY PEOPLE... D0n't even kn0w Or care on h0w to flush their pee and wash their dishes... Enj0y s0me0ne f0ll0wing their dirt... YOU HAVE N0 PLACE HERE ON EARTH..If you D0N'T CARE TO CHANGE.

At times we need to learn to bend and sway with where the wind directs us to...its a way to discern our strengths, overc0me weaknesses and learn fr0m unexpected experiences.. Rather than remaining rigid with pushing f0r our discreti0ns without kn0wing that it could break us with frustrati0ns. Taking time gradually..never hurry or we'll miss the w0rth experiencing sweet and bitrness of life.

 

It's been a while, and i' miss d0ing my thing but n0 regrets f0r what' greatly matter is kn0wing that s0me0ne'S happy and thankful f0r my presence and care... It's d0ing everything f0r ♥ thank you G0D f0r always making me feel okay and h0peful f0r a brighter t0m0rr0w (=

 

 

Death... Loss....the hardest thing to bear about life

I'm afraid of death..well its  a reality that almost all the people would have fear of facing to. 

In my case i would perhaps be more afraid of loosing someone too dear to me than I myself facing it. It's a doomsday for me to see that person loosing it's last breath. 

Being a nurse, who have been used in seeing, touching and talking to corpse somehow give me a bit of courage to manage witnessing death but  its a different story if your directly involve with that someone. too painful and a great feeling of loss would dominate every nerve of your body... That's why i wish i could be numb when things about death and loss would come suddenly, unexpectedly or even at times you expect it to come. 

Just lately, my best friend had lost her beloved mom. I thought it was very, very tragic and unacceptable moment for them but it wasn't that bad. Her late mom had been fighting against a incurable disease to the point of no way out, so, gradually they had been used with the reality that any moment, any minute, hour or day, she would passed away and so it just happened. I realized how strong my best friend was to have passed the stage of acceptance as part of the grieving process anyone would be experiencing times of loss. A query that wold be answered at the very moment my greatest fear will sooner or later arrive. For, me a cloud of uncertainty have enveloped my perspective about life's death and loss. And Fear dominates my heart because i know that someday, sooner or later, in no definite time,,,  the ever dearest person of my life would leave me. Its so sad to think of about it but its the only way i think i could bring myself being used to that odd reality. And i had thought at the back of my mind, how bout me? how will i manage to loose someone i know no even indefinite time my beloved would have gone away.

I thought maybe i would loose all my spirit when death of someone dear  would come right in front me  simply  because that person had been giving me all the reasons to live, the inspiration and the love to grow into someone full of life even at the midst of the hurdling moments. 

Sometimes when i was younger i wish i could never get to love and be intimately close with someone whose too old and too sickly so that i would not be experiencing a great loss when they have to leave.. but suddenly i realized, life is not always fair at all,, relative and distinct that even the young and the unborn could have left their love ones at times its least expected because its already their time, their fate and destiny to be one with the creator though we strongly protest our contradictions to natural things from happening... its still done co'z it's His will.

Our part here is only to accept what's cannot be change. Death is inevitable, escapeless  and painful.

Strength, courage and acceptance would be the best counterpart against the uncertainties of death and dying.